My Dinner with a Vampire

* I think every time the waiter says potato soup he blinks a lot.

* Can't hear a fucking word André is saying.

* My dinner with André: 1hr 30mins of internal monologue. 30mims of bullshit

* André has lost it. He's obsessed with infantilism. He ran away from an existential crisis. He's a vagabond, a hippy.

* The parallel drawn between a group of individuals engaging in a tribal ritual and theatrical rituals is interesting but why is the * An innocent Teddy Bear was abused by a group of intoxicated hipsters. Forced to suck grown men's nipples and thrown around in a transcendental horror.

* André has lost feeling in his left arm. He was having a stroke, not an epiphany.

* The Beehive is a black magic ritual, accompanied by hallucinogenics, acted out to perpetuate the dillusion of miracle cures amongst it's participants, all with varying bodily ailments. Apparently they all forgot how to speak English.

* If I woke to find someone had left flowers on my body in the middle of night I'd be terrified.

* What the fuck is raspberry soup?!

* André is a conspiracy theorist and has based his entire work life productions around this ideological outlook.

* How did he afford these things? Sahara desert with a Japanese monk? What? He's the Peter Griffin of Hipsters.

* The Japanese monk manipulating André's family. Pretty sure the monk molested André's kids. André lead a predator into his home. The monk also took a pop at the wife. Cheeky bastard. All after he made André eat sand.

* Why the fuck is he making a flag? He fancied the flag maker. Sexy blonde flag maker, who makes Tibetan Nazi flags which André gifted to a Polish, Jewish woman. Surprisingly, she ordered André to burn it. The swastika is like a symbol of doublespeak. Peace (Tibetan Buddhism) and War (Nazi war time propaganda). When reappropriation goes wrong.

* André and his friends were kidnapped by three members of the KKK on the eve of halloween. Forced to write his last will and testament; made him strip; took photos of him and then buried alive. None of this was done at gun point. So it was consensual. The KKK put the fear of death in André. He seems liberated.

* André is terrified about who he'll be when he dies.

* André needs to pop a valium and stop crying so much. Crying is fine but allowing yourself to feel misery, unrelentingly, is not. You're choosing misery over actualising. André spends all his time doing and feeling and reflecting on what he did and what he felt. But nothing else. Of course he's miserable.

* André does make a valid point about social pressures/convetions breeding emotional repression in the West. Perhaps he feels trapped. Hence the misery. As you can tell, I'm becoming invested in the movie.

* Is this entire film about existentially self-actualising?

* A mathematician befriended Pan through a series of conversations with fauns. He wanted to break the pattern of habitual living. Isn't that a habit though? It's like a nonconformist conforming to nonconformism.

* What a surprise, the hippy conspiracy theorist doesn't trust technology. I love heated blankets. How is a heated blanket synonymous to a lobotomy, even figuratively speaking? I think André might be Opus Dei.

* André is living in a dream world. We live the way we do to prevent a life of barbarism: limited resources and impulse behaviour, frequent truth bombs, no heated blankets, no rules, is that a way to live? Let alone survive? Nope.

* But André, what if that head had aids? Or Hepatitis A, B and C? Try something else to wake the audience from their spiritual slumber: perhaps maybe drugs or audience participation? Not a severed head you nutter.

* Poor Wally. His mate is destroying his dreams of being a writer. André is a communist. He just indirectly called Wally a robot. Poor fucker. Wally should have told him to 0001110011111101010110.

* Flight of the Conchords are fucking clairvoyant. "The distant future, 2000. All the humans are dead. Robots rule the earth now." That or this is a prequel to The Matrix.

* Ahhhhh, right, so André is a scientologist.

* Wally taking a steaming hot one on Andrés dreams. Tit for tat. Calling him out on his egoism.

* I think both parties have legitimate points. There's nothing evil or corrupt about living a habituated existence yet it is healthy to break from tradition once in a while in order to observe, evaluate and take stock of what sort of habituated existence you have decided to live.

* Someone who's dead inside but not living mechanically would be Dracula. Or any vampire. They live forever so whatever they do hasn't the driving force that mortality affords. No fear of death, let's say. Conclusion, André is vampire also.

I enjoyed the film in the end. It's always good to listen once in a while to varying perspectives on life and death. I didn't feel overly bored, just glad the exposition by Wally and his internal monologue didn't persist for the majority of the film. Wally and André both make compelling arguments and essentially agree with one another. Was the conversation itself a break from habit? Or was it merely an observation of the lives both characters lead to the end that they might as well keep on living?

3 out of 5. Purely for its intellectual rigour and Gymnopedies by Satie sexing up the end credits .