My Dinner with Andre

Search for My Dinner with Andre online and you'll find reviews that call it 'scintillating table talk, via Louis Malle' (NY Times), 'a completely merited cult favourite of the avant-garde genre' (Empire) and 'it is a conversation in which the real subject is the tone, the mood, the energy' (Roger Ebert). It holds an approval rating of 92% on Rotten Tomatoes.

So, I sat down on a pleasant afternoon to watch this movie with relatively high hopes. I knew it was essentially just a conversation between two people, but I'm open to all kinds of movies and I've seen long conversations be compellingin the past.

Well, I'm coming out of this movie feeling like I've been stuck in a lift for 2 hours with someone who loves the sound of their own voice, but isn't aware how aggressively boring they are.

Aside from the opening and closing sequenses which are kinda nicely filmed and edited I guess, the film of course really had no interesting cinematography or action to speak of. It really might as well have been made as an audio-play. It's premise relies entirely on just how compelling the dialogue is between the two leads. Unfortunately it just isn't.

Andre Gregory dominates the conversation, or rather talks at Wallace Shawn, for the majority of the film meaning there is no dynamics or tension or even much interplay of emotions between the characters. Other reviews have given Louis Malle credit for employing the use of the audiences' imagination to fill-in the images as Andre Gregory recounts his adventures, but it quickly feels like listening to someone tell you about their dream. For 2 hours.

Sure some ideas are discussed but never with much depth; rather opposing viewpoints are embodied in the characters and for that the leads are admittedly well cast. But the ideas are never interesting enough to warrant watching other people discuss them. Besides thats what podcasts are for.

Honestly, the film was like torture porn. I felt sorry for Wallace Shawn in the same way I felt sorry for the kids in those Hostel films.

So with all the good reviews I'm left with only one question, how can so many people actually like this film? About a week or so into lockdown I was contacted on Facebook messenger by an old University acquaintance, a friend of a friend. One of the most pretentious people I've met. His initial message read:

"Friends. If you’re getting this it means i - me, John; not some spambot - believe there’s a high chance you’d enjoy a small space i’ve cobbled together for like minded people. All the details on it you need are *below in the screenshots*, which, if by the end of this short message you find yourself still interested in the idea / environment / space, then i’d humbly ask you to read before joining.

Due to my not having your WhatsApp originally it meant, when first knocking up this floor of ours, you missed out on the initial proposal and posts yesterday [9th April. 2020].

My biggest anxieties are, a), that you would feel obliged to join the group out of friendship (either close, passing or long passed) to me, when it’s not really your thing or you simply have more pressing matters to deal with etc., and, b) that there was any misconception that by ‘joining’ the group you therefore have to ‘contribute.’ Nothing could be further from my wish for this place; a chill, no pressure, enjoyable, intelligent and cheering environment with a sense of coming-and-going whenever one pleases, is my grandest yet modest wish for our floor.

So then, please consider this a passing invitation that, although sent with you specifically in mind [i detest blanket spammy invites], will offend no one i promise if committed immediately to the nearest dustbin 🎭

Otherwise, i look forward to seeing you on the golden floor. "

What followed was an invite to a What'sApp group called The Golden Floor, along with the following screenshots explaining the purpose of the group.

I, of course, accepted the invite with haste. To my delight the group was filled with a collection of the most pretentious... (Hmm, what's the word?)... Dickheads I had ever come across. Astonishingly, there were about 60 of them in the group.

The first recording posted was a plum-mouthed ponce reading from Seneca's The Shortness of Life, followed by some basic, meaningless musings on the subject.

The second was even better: a video recording from a phone laid on the grass of some floppy-haired tosser, also lying on the grass monologuing to the camera.

"Hi all," he begins, " I've been thinking about society and what's important to society..." He goes on to read from a book titled Soil. Soul. Society about how we should look to return to living off the land.

It wasn't that ideas being discussed were funny. The ideas weren't really being discussed. It's the way all of these people were only actually interested in showing off what they were reading and what big words they knew. They were the types of people who would rather use 20 words when only 3 were necessary. And the bigger the word the better. Sesquipedalian - is probably what they'd call themselves. I had to look that up. All of these cunts took themselves so seriously. It was a comedy goldmine. But I fucked up.

I posted a recording insinuating that the Soil Soul Society guy had dug a little hole in the ground for his dick so he could make love to the earth while he read from his book. I was going for funny, but I don't think they saw the funny side. Needless to say I was kicked from the What'sApp group.

I received several audio recordings on What'sApp from my old University pal telling me how disappointed in me he was and how he really was actually really against censorship but he just couldn't let that behaviour slide in the group he had created. He sounded exhausted in the messages. I think I had really stressed him out.

I guess those are the kinds of people that would like Dinner with Andre.

‎1 boring actor out of 5