Taxidermia

Film review

This could well be the most fucked up film that ever existed. At least until The Human Centipede was released… but then again, I haven’t seen it – so Taxidermia could still be unbeaten.

At the start of the film, we see a sexual deviant playing with the flame from a candle. Then suddenly, he inexplicably has a Flamethrower penis. I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’m still not really sure what was going on here. You later see him dunking his penis in icy water, presumably in an attempt to soothe his burnt piss pipe.

At this point, I was starting to wonder if there would be a peen in every scene. Luckily not, although shortly afterwards, the same man tried to fuck a hole in the fence after becoming aroused by two women engaged in a snowball fight. Unluckily for him, there was a chicken on the other side of his makeshift glory hole who seemed to mistake his spunk trumpet for a worm on steroids.

Unsatisfied and undeterred, he later goes full David Cameron, even after almost getting his boner pecked off. After getting his rocks off, he nods off and is caught off-guard by his commanding officer, who spots him having it off with the offal and takes offence – so blows his head off before he can get himself off the hook by offering an explanation for his off-colour behaviour.

I had assumed that he had simply imagined having sex with the fat lady, but then she gives birth to child with a tail who presumably is the offspring of the sex offender. The tail is promptly amputated with a pair of rusty pincer pliers which is what I imagine every soviet would do in that scenario.

The second part of the film was very different, but probably just as difficult to watch. Mainly because of all the fat people gorging themselves and then throwing up repeatedly. But also the drop of sweat from the hairy pit of the fat lady that was greedily lapped up by the fat bloke in the hospital bed was pretty horrific.

But I did find the whole speed eating competition fascinating and I found myself wondering whether any of these competitions have ever been anything like this in real life. But I decided I’d not bother to research this – as I’d probably regret it if I did.

I felt like the 2nd story didn’t really have much in the way of a conclusion like parts 1 and 3, but you realise that the child born in part 2 is the creepy taxidermist.

The 3rd part was probably my favourite. Partly because I didn’t find the third part especially disturbing, because none of it felt as real to me as the first two parts.

Ultimately, the obese former speed eater is found partially devoured by his oversized cats. I have previously read that cats and dogs will eat their owners if they die, rather than starve. If I die, I’d quite happily have my cat eat me and play with my intestines like a kitten unravelling a ball of wool.

I really loved the ending though and I feel like it redeemed the film somewhat and easily justified an extra star. It was probably my favourite part of the film. I did also enjoy when the chicken pecked a peeper’s pecker. Also the brag “I had a vomiting technique named after me” did give me a chuckle.

But I absolutely loved the fact that he didn’t simply kill himself, but instead taxidermized his father (and cats) and then built a contraption to taxidermize himself (minus the one arm and his head). The preserved bodies being displayed in the gallery with all the art connoisseurs critiquing the work was an utterly perfect ending to the most bizarre and disturbing film I’ve ever seen.

2.5 flaming cocks out of 5