Cry Baby - with many spoilers

Cry Baby is a jaunty teen romantic comedy set in 50’s America, written and directed by John Waters. It is an amplified parody of every 50’s teen rebel movie ever made, nodding at Rebel without a cause and actively sticking its fingers up at Grease. All the time remaining enjoyable in its own right and never crossing the line into spoof territory.

Verdict

My movie ratings consist of thumbs up or middle fingers as sometimes one starring something doesn’t shame it enough. 5 thumbs up = an absolute triumph. 5 middle fingers = a complete piece of shit, go fuck yourself.

Cry Baby - 4 thumbs up This film is an absolute blast. The soundtrack is excellent and even the cheesiest parts are enjoyable. It's not just a guilty pleasure, it's a guilty passion. Fight me.

Favourite quote “Look, Cry Baby. You scorch me, man” - The ironically named Lenora Frigid throws herself at Wade Walker. She’s knocked back with “I’m solo, sugar.” They are both totally cool dudes.

Every character in this film is a caricature of a forgotten subculture making nearly every line of the film a quotable masterpiece. Other enjoyable lines are: “Do you know how to play the automobile game called chicken” - Johnny Depp challenging the leader of the ‘squares’ to a super cool duel.

“I won’t get mononucleosis, will I?” - Alison is anxious about her first french kiss.

Favourite scene

Cry Baby’s love rival dancing in a conga with his gang of squares and an entire brass band down the center of a suburban street, in order to try and trick Allison into going back out with him was a completely under appreciated marvel. The interest from the press in Allison’s love life only adds to the comedy.

Best meme from the movie

Analysis I knew I would like this film from the off. Before the characters were introduced. Before the never ending queue to receive what I assume was the TB jab, and even before the title flashed on the screen. Simply looking at the picture of Johnny Depp on the Amazon prime description, looking like those pictures you get in barber shops of hairstyles nobody requests anymore had me won over.

Johnny Depp steals the show as Wade “cry baby” Walker, completely nailing the tone of the movie. He somehow comes across as charming, cool and funny whilst also hitting all of the dramatic over acting required for the musical numbers. Sadly, it wasn’t actually Johnny Depp singing in the songs. It isn’t quite apparent that Johnny is miming unless you look closely. The same cannot be said for Amy Locane(Allison)however, especially in the song ‘cry baby king’.

There is probably a lot to be said for Wade Walker ending up in prison and perhaps even more for when a woman known as ‘Hatchet Face’ and her boyfriend fly a helicopter into that prison to try and break him out before he is inexplicably pardoned by a randy judge. The image that left me speechless however, was that of Iggy Pop washing himself with a lufa in a tin bath in front of the American confederate flag. Other notable appearances are; Willem Defoe as the probation officer in the prison and Ricki Lake as Cry Baby’s pregnant teen sister, Pepper.

The movie concludes with Cry Baby getting the gal as expected. Everyone sheds a tear of joy and Wade Walker has his first ever double eyed cry. Presumably followed by his first ever cry-wank. At this point in the movie I managed to shed a single tear at the sheer beauty of Johnny Depp’s impossible cheek bones.

The story is simple and timeless. Super cool misunderstood bad boy meets goody two shoes and sweeps her off into the sunset. A story not too unfamiliar for an emotionally unavailable melancholy heart-throb like myself. These rebellious youths are for some reason known as ‘drapes’. The nickname, as well as the subculture has obviously not survived the test of time. I suppose you could say that it was curtains for the drapes.

The bottom line

You shouldn’t go into this movie expecting cinema genius. This movie was intended as a bit of fun and it achieves it successfully. The songs are catchy, the plot is silly yet not ridiculous and the characters are larger than life. If you can appreciate that then you won’t be disappointed. Cry Baby’s got it, Cry Baby’s got it raw!