Snowpiercer

Harvey: Yeah, Fuck, yeah... just like that... Shut the fuck up, I'm on the phone now... Did I say stop rubbing it?...

Bong: Hello? Mister Havey?

Harvey: Yes... Hello. Director Bong! Great to finally talk to you. I gotta say, I saw all your movies. Loved em. That one about the monster! Scary stuff. And the other one, about the mother? Wow. We gotta get you over here, Bong. Whattayasay? You wanna come make a movie in Tinseltown?

Bong: Ok.

Harvey: So what are you thinking for your first Hollywood picture. Maybe a Superhero picture? Huh, a comic book picture?

Bong: Ah yes. Comic Book. Yes.

Harvey: Mmhmm.. yeah, great, comic book pictures always do well. Tapped in market and all that.

Bong: Yes. French Comic book.

Harvey: Oh... French? ...right Well what's it about? What are its themes.

Bong: Marx

Harvey: Oh it's a comedy?

Bong: No Karl Marx. Communist uprising. Rich and Poor.

Harvey: Oh, the poor? We can always push poor with the Academy. Awards love that shit. We can sell poor.

Bong: Yes, and they eat Bugs.

Harvey: Wait we can't actually have them eating bugs Bong. People don't wanna see that... Wait. I'm a solutions guy. We can make this work. What if the Bugs were processed up into like a paste or something.

Bong: Yes. Black Jelly.

Harvey: Jelly. Okay. We can work with... bug jelly.

Bong: Yes, and Children.

Harvey: Children?

Bong: Yes, they also eat children. And arms and legs. Uhm... Limbs? Yes Limbs. And Children. Yes.

Harvey: Wow. I mean I knew you Koreans like dark shit. But... I mean, okay. I think I see where you're going with this. So what is this like The Road, or Mad Max shit. Is this an end-of-the world type scenario? Post apocalyptic?

Bong: Yes. Global warming.

Harvey: Right on. We can do environment. So what the world is all hot?

Bong: No it's cold.

Harvey: Wait? What? What the fuck are you doing here?

Bong: Global warming then man sends planes in sky with cold gas. Makes extreme cold. All over planet.

Harvey: Okay, A big scale epic. Like Day after Tomorrow. But that's not a bad thing Bong. We can use that to market this: The Day after Tomorrow meets Mad Max. A True Epic. We can get a Jake Gyllenhaal type to be the hero scientist who saves the day by reversing the gases or heats the world back up with a beam into the sky or some bullshit.

Bong: No, world is pretty much over in opening credits. Everyone does in the end apart from two kids and they maybe get eaten by a polar bear.

Harvey: whoa, Bong. I don't know how you people end a fuckin movie in Korea, but uh, let's just go easy on the polar bear shall we. But it's still an epic, right. Big Landscapes? You would be surprised how some people ear that shit up.

Bong: No it's very claustrophobic. All set on a train. A future train.

Harvey: A fuckin Train? What the fuck kinda movie is this Bong. I was with you until the train. What the fuck. No. Let's cut the train.

Bong: Train very important. My Father was a train and before he died I promise I make him a train film. I make him very proud. This film is tribute to my father... The train.

Harvey: Stop it. Stop it. You got the train. You're killin me here with the sob story. Ok. But I still get a Jake Gyllenhaal type hero right. What about Captain America? I think we can still get him pretty cheap.

Bong: Captain America, yes. And funny British lady with fake teeth.

Harvey: I tell you what Director Bong, you Koreans have some big fucking balls.

This is no where near my favourite of Director Bong Joon Ho's works. In fact I'd say it ranks pretty low in his filmogaphy. But even here, you've just got to admire his balls.

3 Bongs out of 5

Now please go watch Bong Joon Ho's other films. Everyone has heard of Parasite before but also check out Memories of Murder, Mother, The Host and Okja. They're all fucked up in their own little ways.

Once you're done with Bong Joon ho, you're just getting started with Korean Cinema. All of Park Chan Wook's films should be next.