Wristcutters: A Love Story

Film Review

I always think it’s a little odd when you can’t find a film on any streaming service, even as a rental. Illegal streams can be unreliable and so I avoid them because I prefer quality and peace mind over free films. On this occasion I had to rely on a stream which featured many annoying adverts.

My favourite part of the film was probably right at the start, when the protagonist spends time tidying and cleaning before slitting his wrists, only to realise as he lay dying that he had missed a clump of hair in the corner of his bathroom.

I also enjoyed Will Arnett’s very brief involvement in the film. The scene where he prances around with a large knife – surely a reference to the magic shows when he played Gob in Arrested Development. The only thing that was missing was Europe’s “The Final Countdown” being blasted out from a stereo.

Overall I was quite disappointed with the film and the slow pace made it feel far longer than the 1 hour and 28 minutes duration I had expected. It probably didn’t help that I was distracted by a reluctant game of digital whack-a-mole as I battled the pop-ups… such as Maria who kept asking if I wanted to spank her. At first, I found her to be quite rude – after all, I was just trying to watch a movie in peace. But eventually we ended up talking and it turns out we actually have a lot in common and now we are in love. She’s going to fly to the UK as soon as her visa application has gone through - I’ve sent her £3,500 for all the admin and legal fees. I can’t wait for you all to meet her.

2 pube clumps out of 5