The Big Blue, or Le Grand Bleh

This film blew.

I had never really heard of the film before and was surprised to learn that the director was Luc Besson, director of some great action movies like Leon and The Fifth Element, and what's more Leon himself, Jean Reno is starring. What could go wrong? Then I spotted the 2hr 49minute running time, which, let's face it, is the kind of length that make some films feel like a chore. When I went to watch the movie I could only find the extended directors cut edition which means there's a shorter, more merciful cut out there.

There was a scene early on in which Jean Reno's character swindles a guy out of $10k in order to carry out a diving rescue and I was ready for an adventurous romp. Nope.

The following two and a half hours is unfocused and boring as we watch two men take turns holding their breath and going deeper into the water until they both die. Meanwhile some 'journalist' lady (incidentally played by Alabama from True Romance's real life sister) clutches onto one of these guys and immediately gives up all work aspirations replacing them with the desire to have a baby. I'm not all about feminism but I kind of understand what their complaint is with female characters like this in films.

Then again there are plenty of crazy bitches out there.

There's some nifty filmmaking here and there. A scene in which the main character dreams the ocean is coming down from his ceiling is pretty cool even if it doesn't make any sense. And there's Dolphins. Lots and lots of dolphins.

Dolphins everywhere. Yes. Look at them jumping from the water and doing their spins. Look at them the beautiful dolphins. Leaping up into the air, so graceful. They only want your approval. The Dolphins. They only want your affection.

Listen to their silly laugh. Haha. Aren't they cute? All the pretty dolphins frolicing about in the water. Dolphins. Dolphins. Dolphins. Dolphins are ver intelligent you know.

Jump in the water and swim with the Dolphins. Isn't it fun? You can ride them if you want. Let them pull you along in the water. The clever Dolphins. Let them pull you under.

Deep under. hahaha. Come and live with the dolphins. Haha 🐬🐬🐬 haha.

Jean Reno is great as always, and is already sporting his little rolled up beanie hat six years before he made the look famous in Leon. But honestly I found Jean Marc Barr in the lead pretty flat and uncharismatic; he is like a poor man's knock-off European Paul Walker. He seems to love splashing his face with water.

I enjoyed the scene where after making love with the journalist, the main French guy steps out onto the balcony only to be serenaded by some beautiful dolphins. Looking guilty he sneaks to get his flippers and slips into the water. I'm not saying he fucked those dolphins but when his human lover catches him coming back from sea in the morning he doesn't come out of the sea for fear she will see his dolphin induced erection. I heard they use oysters as an aphrodisiac.

All things considered this movie was pretty shit and way too long.

1 1/2 kinky murderous dolphins out of 5.