Crust - Back Story

It’s easy to judge a man by his film entry. As soon as that scrunched up scrap bit of paper is pulled from the jar, emotions run high and he can be hailed as a hero or condemned to the Sin bin (like David Peel). I knew there was a lot riding on this week’s film entry and I’d like to give a brief overview of why this movie is an important piece of cinema.

My previous two choices (Cry Baby and Drunken Master) were both smash hits, delighting all who watched them. I’d seen roughly 30 minutes of Cry Baby as a 9 year old child before my parents swiftly changed the channel during quite an intense and ridiculous kissing scene. This memory stuck with me until I learned the name of the movie roughly 10 weeks ago - it had to go in.

Drunken Master was a film I was acutely aware of. After watching an abysmal film starring Pierce Brosnan and Jackie Chan at the beginning of lock-down I thought I’d venture into some of his earlier work, before he could speak English. A treasure was discovered.

A genuine scene from Crust

Crust… If ever a film were to give the measure of a man, I’d like to think it’d be Crust standing next to me with the tape measure, or rather, the seven foot mantis shrimp turned boxer that it features. I came across such a find on Google; someone had listed ten movie genres ‘you’ve probably never heard of’ or some other clickbait. I felt challenged. Surely I’ve heard of every genre… all 5 of them - Action, Comedy, Horror, Thriller and Porn (or Romance as it’s sometimes known).

Three options in and I was already out of my depth… Brucesploitation movies? A whole genre dedicated to people pretending to be Bruce Lee shortly after his death. Outrageous. And then there it was, number 4; Sealife sports films.

Crust was the featured film for the genre because as it turns out, the movie Crust from 2003 actually invented it. Guy Hands, a private equity tycoon and Chairman for EMI invested £100,000 in the project as a tax avoidance scheme, believing that for every £1 he invested, he would be able to claim back £1.40 from the inland revenue. He did this for 75 other movies including something called ‘Nine Dead Gay Guys’. All of the movies flopped, predictably, and Mr Hands never got the tax relief he expected. In 2008 he attempted to sue his tax advisers.

Mark Locke, the Director of Crust couldn’t believe his luck. £100,000 for his bizarre idea. He got to work creating the movie, which follows actor Kevin McNally training a seven foot Mantis Shrimp - that was found washed up on a British shore - to box. Apparently McNally has dreams of setting up a Gladiators style show featuring the boxing prawn… and there’s every chance Ulrika Johnson might make an appearance in the movie. No spoilers from me though, I haven’t watched it yet.

Following the movie’s appalling reception it faded into obscurity and was quickly forgotten by the British viewing public. The same cannot be said for Japan. Somehow a copy of the movie made its way East and proved very popular; seen as a mix of a Godzilla style Kaiju movie and Rocky style boxing movie it seems almost tailor made for a Japanese audience. It was so popular that it inspired Japanese directors to cement the Sea life sports genre into popular culture with their reproductions. If, like me, you view this as a gold mine of cinematic wealth, why not try:

Calamari Wrestler

or even:

KaniGoalkeeper (Crab Goalkeeper)

This story in itself deserves a film in my opinion. This is why Crust(2003) has made it to the film jar this week. I will be following up here with my review.